As I am writing this newsletter, exactly a year ago, on November 15th 2022, I landed in New York on a tourist visa and for the first time in eleven years. With no home, no job and no residence permit (but reuniting with a solid loving partner). A full revolution around the sun later, I can say my life did undertake a literal revolution!
And if I am definitely not a life transition expert, I understood a thing or two that I am happy to share.
Here is my newfound perspective on what it takes to cross an ocean and start from scratch again.
〰1〰 OWN YOUR WHY
Shaking up your comfort and sense of safety to build a new life, you will have low days wondering why on earth did you inflict such a drastic change on yourself. Our human brains just don’t like newness, they like the good old ways, may they be beneficial to us or not. A strong REASON WHY will come very handy on those days. Write it as a mantra, journal about it, ink it on your skin! Meaning: just keep it close for when you need a reminder. Mine is ‘All adventurous women do’ (if you got that GIRLS reference, we should be friends ahah!).
〰2〰 SEEK CLOSURE
Starting a new chapter also means closing a past one, and I believe it is very important to take the time and mindful steps to do this consciously. A farewell party, letters of gratitude, collection of tangible memories to keep for life, visits of favorite people and places… Saying goodbye will open the space you need to build your future new foundations. I couldn’t get my Shanghai closure and I really hope to go back next year for that very reason.
〰3〰 REFUEL YOUR MIND & BODY
This life change project will cost you physically and mentally, that is part of the deal of following one’s dream, it requires a certain level of effort. I advise that you spend the months before the big change really taking care of yourself: nourishing food, health check ups, restful sleep, physical activity and pleasurable treats here and there to fill your cup. I want you to take on this new journey strengthen and revitalized, you will need that energy!
〰4〰 IDENTIFY YOUR PILLARS
Surround yourself with a tight circle of friends and family who will give you their full support during your life change. Some will offer a shoulder to cry on, others will welcome you in their homes, be great advisors or problem solvers, care for you with thoughtful attentions, or introduce you to the people you need. All of the above will be of tremendous and necessary help. Yes we are capable of doing great things, but not alone. Accept the help, say yes and say thank you, enjoy every seconds of the unique bounds only challenging times can create. One day, you will have the honor to be their pillar too.
〰5〰 PROTECT YOURSELF
Some other people, because they have never lived such a life change themselves, or because they are afraid for you, will be clueless and won’t understand what you are experiencing. They might doubt and challenge your decisions. They might say the wrong thing or act the wrong way. And that is ok, it is not personal and it is not against you, they just don’t know. Try to not care too much, and if it impacts you too negatively, take some distance for the time being, until your life sets down a bit more.
〰6〰 CREATE RITUALS
The journey will be filled with so many small and big adventures, good and bad news, steps forwards and backwards. You might change cities, careers, homes, partners. All of the above for the wildest ones of us! Your nervous system will be put through the test. For this reason, seek every simple bit of stability you can implement in your day to day (your go-to coffee shop, face mask Sunday nights, your weekly therapy session…). It will create those few grounding moments everyone needs to recover a state of peace and rest.
〰7〰 TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME
Rebuilding a life from scratch involves a reinvention of all the big themes you can imagine: home, work, friendship, admin, finance, family, hobbies… it is freeing but also overwhelming. The best way to navigate this chaos is to take one thing at a time. Start with the most urgent and important topic and take it from there: one project per week / month. On my side it was the visa, then the home, then the health, then the work, then the daily life, and now the friendships. You can’t do it all at once, that would be way too confusing. Choose your battles, list your priorities and tackle them first; accept that some things will be secondary and thus take more time to bloom.
〰8〰 ACKNOWLEDGE THE TINY MILESTONES
I see you rocking that project like a queen and jumping straight to the next one without even a pat on your shoulder! I hear you tell yourself it is never good enough, nor fast enough. Stop, let’s breathe for a second. That item written for months on your to-do list, as tiny as it might be, you finally figured it out, you did it! CONGRATS! On your journey, every tiny success is one step closer to the life of your dreams. It is precious and worth celebrating. You deserve that little treat and moment of pride.
〰9〰 REMEMBER TO LOOK BACK
We are way too used to watch overnight success stories in the medias. We forget that GOOD THINGS TAKE TIME (another tattoo worth inking on our skins!). On days when our life transition seems to be a long endless tunnel going nowhere, make a list of everything you have accomplished so far, I bet you will be surprised! Look back to one year ago, six months ago, even just three months ago. Reconnect to how far you have been already, that will strengthen your hope in yourself and in your path.
〰10〰 DOCUMENT THE JOURNEY
Sooner than you think, your life will fall back in place and all the little and big adventures you’ve experienced will slowly fade from your memory. But these are worth telling your grand children (or friends! or strangers!) to inspire them and give them the courage to take on their own ambitious journey. Because they know you did it and how you did, it will give them the confidence that they can too. Write your story, record your voice, take photos. These will be treasures for the future.
I wish you all the best of luck for your adventure and I am always here if you want to chat.
Talk to you next Sunday <3
Laure-Anne
✹ For your daily breath of beauty, head to @ariane.solal Instagram. New art, inspiration & my artist journal entries.
✹ Discover the ‘Color of your Soul’ commissions here and the ‘Portrait of an Emotion’ there. They might just be the gift you have always dreamt about, and you are right on time to order them for Christmas!
Bonjour Cenina! Heureuse que ces qqles conseils personnels t'aient parlé, n'hésite pas si tu as d'autres questions :)
Quel bonheur de te lire. Merci pour ces conseils précieux.