Dear Here to Feel readers,
I present you the last and final Part of ‘WHY AM I IN NEW YORK?’ trilogy. Here are Part 1 (how it all started) and Part 2 (the good in NY!).
I have to say this Part 3 should be better called: ‘I AM IN NEW YORK, AND SOME DAYS I AM WONDERING WHY’.
Something quite magical happened in the process of writing this newsletter trilogy.
I first found myself conflicted and meeting so much resistance to write about New York. As the weeks and months passed by, my writer’s block seemed to grow bigger and stronger. I couldn’t find a way out.
I had promised myself I would stay true to my voice in this new chapter. I wanted to offer you, my dear readers, the authenticity of a real human experience, and not a polished rosy bland version of a ‘NY best life’ that I don’t think serves anyone. But, at the same time, I didn’t see the point either in just pouring my frustration and distress on paper, and listing to you all my complaints about the city. What good would it do? And were these criticisms even valid? I had been here for only some months after all, what did I know about anything? Plus, my views were going to evolve and my culture shocks fade, as I would be less and less estranged to this city.
But more than that, the pain point lied in my inability to transform the bad into good. I needed to create hope, to bring wisdom and light in this life. And so far, on this specific topic, I couldn’t. The long list of criticisms was leading to a dead-end; the more I was writing about them, the more I was focused on New York limits and the more helpless I was feeling. The misery on the street, everywhere, the evident drug crisis, the dirtiness and the constant sirens sounds that keep your cortisol level at its highest, the insanely expensive cost of life coexisting with hyper consumption, hyper industrialisation, hyper waste… That city had sparkles as much as it had an end of the world taste.
I needed a break from this negative thinking circle, so I decided to put sharing the bad on hold (that’s why last Sunday I only told you about the good in New York! #nybestlife here I come!) allowing myself an extra week of reflection.
A few days later only, this Monday morning, the revelation I was looking for came in the shape of an email from my dear client K. She wrote:
‘Nothing is 100% good, life is always fragmented and we accept the fragments and piece them together into our story.’
O-M-G… read this again: ‘We accept the fragments and piece them together into our story.’
This one sentence, so rich in wisdom, brought me back to the hopeful bright shore of life. I liked the idea of fragments, it seemed less black and white than my initial thinking (New York, the pros & the cons). And of course I liked the idea of acceptance, which is always the first step of any healing journey. K.’s words made my perspective change and my horizons widen. In the years to come, New York would become a part of my story. Some of its fragments will merge beautifully into the patchwork of my life, enriching it rather than disrupting it; and bringing new meanings I cannot yet perceive.
I could endlessly make the list of what I miss from Shanghai and Paris that I cannot find here… or… I could start a quest of what there is to discover in my new home. There are so many fragments to the city of New York, it is a true accumulation of diverse cultures and communities. And, as one little human in this chaotic universe, it is my responsibility to search for what resonates the most to me, find comfort and inspiration in it, and bring my own contribution to it.
At first glance, when you hear about some of my longings, you might think that, indeed, I chose the wrong city. Authenticity, harmony, simplicity, nature, slow life, repose, heritage, human scale… these are not New York’s top-of-mind key words. I will have to dig deeper, go beyond mainstream New York to get to the niche New York that speaks to my heart, discover its secret spots and meet its discreet people. I am sure it is hidden somewhere, I can’t be the only hypersensitive introvert dreamer in need of some peace and quiet in this city.
I won’t find this subtle New York at every crossing road, it will take some time and effort. But this quest will stimulate my curiosity and my sense of adventure, connecting me back to what I know how to do best: transform frustration into creativity, to birth the world I long for and to invite you in…
It is only the beginning after all.
Talk to you next Sunday,
Laure-Anne
PS: K. is an adventurer, a poet and the guardian of many of my creations, so somehow the guardian of a piece of my soul. Thank you K. for your wisdom, and thank you to all my clients who give meaning to my life and allow me to exist as an artist 💕
K est un sage !! Bravo pour ce récit qui résonne une fois de plus avec des expériences similaires bien que dans des
Lieux différents ! Bravo et continue , tiens bon!
My thoughts exactly! The intuition and drive to come live here was so strong that I had to listen anyway ;) Good things take time